The Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria.
|Flag||Coat of Arms|
The Internationale (Temporary)
"I rule, you suck."
|Official Languages||English, Binary, Swahili and Twi'leki|
-First Lady of the DPRJ
Jonathan W. Huehner
Miranda I. Kempf
Earl N. Huehner
Karl H. Huehner
Alf R. Huehner
Columbo H. Huehner
Terry W. Huehner
May 14, 2009 (Jon 20 - Juche 97)
|Area Claimed||3 acres|
|– Official Citizens||4|
|– Current Residence||4|
Stock Exchange Location(s)
United Nations Membership
Jonitorian Credit Note
None (prohibited by law)
|Time Zone||CDT (The state officially goes by JDT, Jonitorian Daylight Time)|
|Drives on the||Right|
The Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria (DPRJ) is a communist micronation founded in the year 2009 (Jon 20 - Juche 97) in the heart of the city of West Bend, Wisconsin USA. Created by the earnest will of the Great Comrade and General Marshal Jonathan W. Huehner and the unshakable masses, the three-bedroom, single-party people's republic enjoys a relaxed, peaceful existence with micronations across the globe.
The Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria is headed by a communist government and is one of the last communist governments existing today. Unlike many current communist countries, the DPRJ takes an unorthodox stance by criticizing fellow communists and ideas and seeks to improve its own state functions by maintaining the Maoist idea of self-criticism. The DPRJ describes itself as a "micro-proletarian paradise state" and the true successor of the communist ideal.
The original property that currently houses the DPRJ was created in 1956 with the construction of a three-bedroom, two-bath, ranch-style house. Upon the birth of Great Comrade Jonathan W. Huehner in 1989, the home and its property eventually declared itself to be a Marxist state when the Great Comrade turned 20 years old and seceded from the United States in the year 2009. Upon creation of the communist micronation, Great Comrade Jonathan W. Huehner proclaimed himself as the General Marshal of the country and announced the drafting of the "founding documents" that would later become the Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria's Socialist Constitution, later renamed the Communist Constitution in 2012.
Local outside governments continue to persuade the small people's republic to rejoin the United States, but as of April 2011, all negotiations remain at a stalemate.
Government and politics
The Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria is a single-party communist state under the direct control and guidance of the Jonitorian Communist Worker's Party, the only legally-allowed political party to exist in the nation's highest position of political power, the Supreme Jonitorian Worker's Assembly. Contrary to popular outside conception, the General Marshal serves only as the figurehead for the nation and has the Prime Minister fulfill all government duties. While the General Marshal does have a say in all government affairs (like any Jonitorian citizen), the DPRJ Communist Constitution maintains that total power over the country belongs solely to the masses and to the Supreme Jonitorian Worker's Assembly. To avoid voter confusion, the Prime Minister is elected by the masses in a vote two days after the Assembly elections.Taking direct influence from the old constitution of the former People's Republic of Benin, the Communist Constitution describes the foundation of the country in a brief passage:
In the Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria, the road to development is socialism. The philosophical basis are the ideals of Jonism, the political thesis created by General Marshal and Great Comrade Jonathan W. Huehner. The Jonism philosophy takes influence from Marxism-Leninism, Trotskyism, Maoism (Mao Zedong Thought), Guevarism, Ho Chi Minh Ideology and Kimilsungism (the Juche Idea) with additional influence from the philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche. By combining the proletarian ideology of communism with the ideals set forth by Jonism, the unstoppable revolutionary masses will create and maintain the Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria in a creative and unique manner. All activities of national social life in the Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria are organized in this way under the leadership of the revolutionary government, detachment vanguard of exploited and oppressed masses, the leading core of the Jonitorian people as a whole and its revolution.
Elections are held every five years and votes are carried out via secret ballot. Every member of the Supreme Jonitorian Worker's Assembly is limited to two five-year terms each and every citizen of the DPRJ may run for public office, provided that they are a) above the age of 18 b) registered to vote in the country and c) swear an oath to uphold the will of the masses, the protection of the state and the ideals put forward by communism.
Like every member of the Supreme Jonitorian Assembly, the position of Prime Minister is also elected every five years. However, the position is not term limited and the Prime Minister may hold the office for as long as the people's majority desire. The Deputy Prime Minister is also selected by the people, the same manner that the Prime Minister is.
On March 29, 2012, General Marshal Jonathan W. Huehner announced that the Jonitorian Communist Worker's Party would hold a referendum sometime in the near future to change the title of Prime Minister to a different title as part of an effort to differentiate the DPRJ's government official titles from the rest of the world. General Statesman or People's Statesman have been rumored to be two of the choices submitted to the list of choices to be voted on.
The country's government follows the Jonism ideology and implemented the policy as the official state ideology in March of 2010 following General Marshal Huehner's speech, On Implementing and Expanding the Ideals of Jonsim, made in January 2010. The current version of the Communist Constitution recognizes Marxism-Leninism, Trotskyism, Maoism (Mao Zedong Thought), Guevarism, Ho Chi Minh Ideology and Kimilsungism (Juche) with aspects of Friedrich Nietzsche's works as all contributing philosophies in the creation of Jonism and the DPRJ. Despite Jonism being the official policy guiding the country's decision-making and planning, the government still considers the DPRJ as a Marxist state and continues to adhere to socialist principles.
The economy of the DPRJ is one of the world's few remaining highly-centralized planned economies. Unlike the majority of so-called current "communist states," the DPRJ staunchly remains with an entirely government-owned policy on businesses, industry, manufacturing and other ventures with nearly all economic policies being drawn up and implemented by the government's Central Economic Agency (C.E.A.). Unemployment is completely non-existent and the country has implemented the "right to unionize" as an amendment in the Communist Constitution.
Several industries and businesses were placed under state control following extensive nationalization during the foundation of the DPRJ. The many nationalized workplaces in the DPRJ include:
- The People's Bang Comics Group (formerly Bang Comics Group, Inc., a producer of comic books and strips; the firm now creates political comics and revolutionary-themed superhero stories)
- The People's Educational Disorder (E.D.) Publications (formerly Educational Disorder [E.D.] Publications, Inc., a publication firm specializing in humor and offensive periodicals; the business is now the main supplier of informative political pamphlets and other state-sanctioned print media)
- The People's United Feature Films (formerly United Feature Films, Ltd., a motion picture company responsible for many super-low budget films and shorts; the studio now produces propaganda films and creates original broadcasting content for Jonvision, the state's official television service)
Attempts at self-sufficiency
Despite continuing attempts to adhere to the Juche Idea's principle of self-sufficiency, the DPRJ relies heavily on food, water and energy imports. Attempts to create an agrarian and egalitarian society have met with mixed results as of April 2011, but the standard of living remains at a very high level. Several garden plots were nationalized during the early days of the DPRJ government and turned into "collective gardens" in an attempt to begin harvesting fruits and vegetables in a self-sufficient way. Every nationalized business and resource is given orders by the state's Central Economic Agency to attempt self-sufficiency in any way possible with detailed reports to be turned in monthly to measure any and all progress made.
The First Jonitorian Five-Year Economic Plan
The DPRJ launched the First Jonitorian Five-Year Economic Plan in March of 2011 to speed up the development of the country and has "clean, reform and preserve" as the three main principles of this plan. The Central Economic Agency continues to add and drop goals related to the economic plan and all changes must be approved by the Supreme Jonitorian Worker's Assembly before any implementation can be done. Among the many goals set by the plan include:
- Creation of additional flower, vegetable and fruit growing plots; thus bringing the total plots from 4 to 6.
- Increase overall flower, vegetable and fruit production by 12%.
- Increase military strength to international micronation standards, a 3% increase in GDP spending.
- Prepare the nation for all zombie-related epidemics; creation of an emergency food pantry, additional armories, anti-zombie training, zombie apocalypse scenario planning, automated zombie countermeasures, educational courses for the reading and understanding of The Zombie Survival Guide and the establishment of the Zombie Epidemic Emergency Management Agency, a subsidary of the Ministry of the People's Domestic Security.
Prohibition of private business and the "Special Enterprise Zone"
Private businesses of any kind are usually prohibited, with an exception made to small-scale venders. In early 2011, a sizable "Special Enterprise Zone" (SEZ) was established to help off-set foreign debt. While many outsiders considered this the DPRJ's pre-mature version of perestroika, for better or for worse, the General Marshal denied the allegation and insisted that the "Special Enterprise Zone" was only a temporary economic measure. On August 10, 2011, the state announced the eventual closure of the "Special Enterprise Zone" by the end of the year and the planned removal of the SEZ's article of existence in the DPRJ Communist Constitution, thus leaving the DPRJ as a completely-planned economy. The spot where the "Special Economic Zone" resided was eventually planned be for either farm land or for military training.
By January 1, 2012, the SEZ had been completely dismantled and its article in the DPRJ Communist Constitution removed.
The Proletarian Path to Progress
On Monday, January 16, 2012, General Marshal Huehner convened a special session of the Supreme Jonitorian Worker's Assembly to discuss the unveiling of the Proletarian Path to Progress, a multi-step guide to be added to the Jonism ideology and the First Jonitorian Five-Year Plan to help build socialism and launch a series of political and educational campaigns to strengthen the country and the people. The Proletarian Path to Progress emphasizes the continuation of numerous socialist economic policies, the creation of new ideas and an expansion of overall public education.
In early 2013, the first year of the Proletarian Path to Progress was announced by the state media as "nothing short of spectacular" with growth projected as high as 25% in education alone.
In 2009, The DPRJ unveiled the Jonitorian Credit Notes the official currency of the state. In July of 2013, the state announced that the Zimbabwean dollar would be the second official currency of the state with limited "flirtation" with the United States dollar. General Marshal Huehner is rumored to be quite wealthy himself with up to $230 trillion ZWD held under his name in the state-run DPRJ People's Bank.
A demilitarized zone separating the land-locked DPRJ from the United States exists along the border between the two countries. Strangely enough, a smaller DMZ also exists between the living room sofa and the study office chair as state law prohibits the use of airsoft weapons in this area. Both DPRJ and American governments have proposed the installation of barbed-wire fences and electric gates, but none of these ideas have yet to be implemented. Travel is permitted as the DPRJ does have several vehicles and imports are brought into the country by these vehicles.
Education of Marxist philosophy is mandatory for all residents of the DPRJ. Classes are usually held in the basement of the house with regular recreation and other productive pleasures held during breaks (recess). A swing set is located in the backyard of the house, but it is presently being used as a make-shift guardhouse to spot illegal immigrants, spies and imperialists that may want to cross the border.
The DPRJ requires all citizens to be active members of the armed forces and trained in all forms of combat as well as weekly lesons regarding military strategy and theory. The DPRJ has an armory located in an undisclosed location and is said to possess numerous airsoft guns, hand-to-hand weapons (sticks), foam dart projectiles, modified bicycles equipped with armor and a new foam-dart-launcher-of-mass-destruction codenamed the K.I.M.J.O.N.G.I.L. (Kiloton Idiosyncratic Missile Jet Operated Guided Intercontinental Launcher). The United Nations has repeatedly asked the DPRJ to disclose the creation of this new weapon design to no avail.
The DPRJ retains strong friendly relations with the People's Republic of Mandania as well as other micronations (both communist and otherwise). Another strong foreign relation is the Glorious Nation of Stanistan, despite the fact that the two nations remain deadlocked in a quasi-Cold War (currently a period of "detente" exists between the two micronations). Conversely, the DPRJ remains mostly neutral with current "communist" states like Cuba, Vietnam, Laos, North Korea and China and while this neutrality is proclaimed, DPRJ state television and newspapers regularly criticize the excesses and failures of the past and current leaders of these countries and their policies. The DPRJ also routinely speaks out against imperialism, but has, at times, praised the United Nations for its anti-world hunger programs. A "non-aggression" pact has been drawn up (under accordance with a goal set up by the First Jonitorian Five-Year Economic Plan) and will be sent to United States President Barack Obama sometime in the near future.
The DPRJ Communist Worker's Party strangely continues to recognize former communist country's governments and not the current regimes in power. For example, the DPRJ regularly praises the former People's Democratic Party of Afghanistan for their creation of the Democratic Republic of Afghanistan and condemns the current non-communist government for failing to protect the people, demolishing socialism and letting the extremist Taliban seize power.
During the ongoing Arab Spring, the DPRJ has voiced strong support for the protesters and revolutionaries in all countries while at the same time condemning outside interference (particularly NATO). The DPRJ supports unity amongst the revolutionaries to overcome their oppressive governments and strongly endorses a united effort to build a "united Arab world" with a less emphasis on religion and more of an emphasis on building a better society for all.
On May 2, 2011, General Marshal Huehner congratulated United States President Barack Obama and Navy SEAL Team Six with the successful operation that killed Osama bin Laden. While maintaining criticism of imperialism, General Marshal Huehner said that "Osama bin Laden was a heartless murderer who hated atheism, communism and anyone who disagreed with his radical religious rhetoric and while I do wish this man was brought before an international court for his deeds, his death does bring closure to many of his victims."
A small publication firm exists in the DPRJ known as (The People's) Educational Disorder Publications and has published Quotations from the Democratic People's Republic of Jonitoria, a book containing random quotes and "words of wisdom" from the people of the DPRJ. The book hopes to eventually out-print the Holy Bible and every citizen of the DPRJ is required to read and study the text. Here are a few selected quotes from the book:
- “I ate a frog once.”
- “Not every nation succeeds at first. Just look at Croatia, poor at first…somewhat poor a few years later and now…boom! Croatia is now a big industrious ally for the proletariat.”
- “Get rid of the body!”
- “Apple sucks…Apple will suck…Apple continues to suck.”
- “Allan Quatermain and King Solomon’s Mines is the poor man’s Indiana Jones.”
- “Never outperform your neighbor…jealously may untie the future for our nation.”
- “Minecraft is addicting, but don’t let it become an excuse to stall intellectual progress.”
- “Using too many abbreviations can lead to something as simple as LOL evolving into the ugly imperialist monster that is ROTFLMAOWPIMP.”
- “Never rub another man’s rhubarb!”
- “A duck can swim, a bird can fly, but a person (most) can walk. Take that, Stephen Hawking!”
- “Eating enough chicken can cure AIDS. People will hate you if you say such things.”
- “All in all and after all that has been said and repeated, Linux isn’t too bad.”
- “Give me liberty or give me ham sandwich…on pumpernickel.”
- “Despite what imperialist Hollywood producers would like to have us believe, hiding behind a metal door will not save you from a fire blast tearing through a tunnel.”
- “It is strange to note that mold infestations can be good if you are ‘into that kind of thing.’”
- “Back to the sneakedy-sneak.”
- “Hash browns are not to be used as a makeshift ventilator.”
Other government-sponsored publications include:
- Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels: The Communist Manifesto, Das Kapital Volumes 1, 2 and 3, The Principles of Communism, Wage Labor and Capital and Socialism: Utopian and Scientific
- Vladimir Lenin: What Is To Be Done?, Imperialism: The Highest Stage of Capitalism and State and Revolution
- Leon Trotsky: Between Red and White, In Defense of Marxism, The Third International After Lenin, Trotsky's Military Writings and War and International
- Ho Chi Minh: Equality!, Oppression Hits All Races, Twelve Recommendations and The Path Which Led Me To Leninism
- Ernesto "Che" Guevara: Guerrilla Warfare, The Motorcycle Diaries and Marx & Engels: An Introduction
- Mao Zedong: On Guerrilla Warfare, On Practice, On Contradiction, On Protracted War and Quotations From Chairman Mao Zedong
- Kim-Il Sung: Complete Collection of Kim-Il Sung's Works
- Salvador Allende: First Speech to the Chilean Parliament, Speech to the United Nations and Last Words to the Nation
Culture and Arts
The DPRJ frequently encourages drawing, cinema, photography, painting and other forms of arts. General Marshal Huehner proclaims the arts as a means to "strengthen the nation's masses and help build socialism."
Propaganda is common throughout the country with posters uttering national slogans, portraits of fellow comrades, busts, flags and various images of the Great Comrade and his many exploits in nation building. State propaganda is conducted through the Ministry of People's Information and is rumored to be the second most-funded government program directly behind the military. However, as the state refuses to publish any of its revenues and expenses, this claim is only speculative at best.
CinemaCinema is a much-talked about subject in the DPRJ with the Great Comrade proclaiming the "nation's need for film production facilities and other incentives to create wonderous motion pictures and animated entertainment." The 1959 motion picture "Plan 9 From Outer Space" is listed as the DPRJ's "National Film" and is regularly played on Jonvision's late-night programming block during weekends. The Great Comrade once spoke of the movie as "a landmark in film making" and "light years ahead of its time with a strong moral message that continues to echo all these years later."
The DPRJ regularly issues pamphlets describing the Communist Worker's Party's platform, plans for the following months, meeting times and other information. Recently, a paper hand-out campaign to promote the use of oral hygiene has met with considerable success. Freedom of speech is listed as a constitutional right in the Communist Constitution and many workers have used the publication facilities to expand the voice of the nation's masses. According to state reports, 100% of the population is literate.
Religious freedom is strictly prohibited in the DPRJ and the policy of state atheism is strongly stated in the Communist Constitution. Referencing Marx's Critique of Hegel's Philosophy of Right, the DPRJ prohibits the construction of any and all religious buildings in its borders. Furthermore, the government actively pursues and organizes campaigns to criticize and condemn religion as "a remnant of the old world that needs to be removed before humanity can progress any further." The country's education curriculum enforces these anti-religion campaigns with the teaching of evolution and the criticism of religious explanations for life, including the so-called intelligent design movement and its beliefs.
Criticisms of fellow communists, theories and practices
While the DPRJ is an advowed Marxist state, the government does not shy away from making controversial remarks and criticisms of other communists, theories and practices. The DPRJ remains, at times, critical of some of the views and policies created by Joseph Stalin, Enver Hoxha, Mengistu Haile Mariam, Nicolae Ceausescu and Pol Pot, while taking occasional disagreement "pokes" at former Chinese Paramount Leader/General Secretary Hu Jintao and his successor, Xi Jinping, as well as the late North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il and his successor, Kim Jong-un. Initially, the government was hostile towards Josip Broz Tito, but in early 2013, these criticisms were officially rescinded and the Supreme Jonitorian Worker's Assembly passed a resolution to apologize and praise Tito as a "liberator of Nazi and fascist oppression in Yugoslavia during World War II" and gave similar praise to the Titoist concept of workers' self-management.
While the government does accept the fact that many communists have been influenced by Stalin, the DPRJ does condemn the excesses under Stalin's regime such as the gulag system and forced labor projects. The DPRJ views these persistent criticisms as a "necessary tool in reshaping, reforming and revamping the communist ideal" and "aiding the pursuit of the many people that continue to see communism as a 'failed ideology' and as a 'tool to murder millions of people.'" Recently, a campaign to issue pamphlets and small writings comparing Marx's original intent with the distorted views of later theories and practices has met with tremendous success according to a Jonitorian Communist Worker's Party report.
The DPRJ People's Science Center for Socialist Progress has produced some unusual and controversial scientific theories/discoveries ranging from health ailments to the missing link for the theory of evolution. While scientists from around the world continue to question and criticize the DPRJ's theories and findings, here are a few examples of what state reports say:
- New Jersey USA is the leading cause of all venereal diseases in the world...fact.
- Bigfoot is real because the former cryptid is the DPRJ's "National Two-Legged Mammal."
- The so-called "Knowledge Generation Bureau" feature only one proven fact: Elizabeth Bogush is a hottie.
- Desmond Llewelyn shall forever remain as the only actor to portray the character "Q " in the James Bond movies. All the other portrayals of the character are imperialist lies.
- The Metal Gear Solid stealth video game series is far superior to Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell.
- Speaking of Tom Clancy, that guy is a total hack and the DPRJ hopes he takes a long walk off a short pier
- Mountain Dew is the best-tasting soda ever produced by mankind.
- Badges, we don't need no stinking badges!
- WD-40 is the only sure-fire way to speed-up any slow computer.
- If it takes two to tango, then it takes three to properly assemble a nuclear warhead.
- Area 51 is real. Don't believe us? Google Earth it then.
- Rutanya Alda's performance in Amityville II: The Possession should have earned her an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.
- A yawning hamster is a sure sign that rain is coming.
Media and Communication
"The Weekly Worker"
Along with its many informative pamphlets, the Communist Worker's Party of the DPRJ issues a weekly newspaper entitled "The Weekly Worker," a publication describing the party's plans, upcoming meetings, events, interesting tidbits and other DPRJ-related material. This newspaper is given out free of charge to every citizen of the country.
Plans for radio broadcasts
The Central Economic Agency has set aside some budget planning for a radio station. Rumor has it that this radio station would regularly broadcast party political news, updates, propaganda and original programming suited for the working masses. Whether or not any radio broadcasting equipment has been built or imported remains to be seen or announced.
Telephones and the Internet
The DPRJ features a more-than-adequate telecommunications system with two telephone landlines and two cellular phones. Outside communication is openly permitted by the government provided that the citizens avoid completely draining the cordless phone's batteries.
A "secret" Internet connection via an agreement with an outside Internet service provider exists in the DPRJ and free wireless internet is provided by the state through the password-protected "People's WiFi" access point. As preached and practiced by the state, no websites are blocked, but the state does advise citizens to exercise caution on the Internet due to the ever-present threat of Nigerian 419 scams, malicious software, phishing and other web-based adversaries.